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You’ve made it to the point in your relationship where you’re now officially engaged, and you’re happier than you’ve ever been. Yet, ironically, this is the time you need to pay the most attention to your man! The chase is over for MOST men. You’ll start to see more of their true colors now than what you have during your dating time frame, if you pay attention to them. (He’ll also start to see yours as well.) This advice for engaged women is not designed to scare you away from marrying your fiancé’.
Let my experience be a resource that will help you save yourself from a nasty divorce or a life of misery. People tend to treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Be sure your marriage is headed off on the right track by reading these bits of advice for engaged women.
Ensure You Both Know What You Expect
Be sure everyone is on the same page as to what is expected of you both. Knowing your roles in your relationship will help eliminate a vast majority of arguments that would erupt otherwise.
My husband knows he married a woman who HATES cooking with a passion!! If I can cook a quick and easy crockpot meal, then, by all means, he’ll get a delicious meal. However, if he’s expecting a five-course meal, then he knows he has to get to cooking in order to get it. Holiday meals have always been his and the kids’ department. We made the deal that I would ensure he got one meal from me whether that’s with me cooking or getting something from town. Regardless, one meal a day he is catered too.
We also had a heated debate about wearing shoes in our home within the first week of me moving in. I was dead set against us wearing shoes and he was the total opposite. I told him fine if he felt that way then he was responsible for ensuring the floors got cleaned well in our home. To this day, he hasn’t failed in doing that. (My mom had me vacuum and sweep her floors three times a day during summer breaks or any time I was off from school. During school days, I had to do it twice a day. So, that is a chore I’m not overly fond of doing!) Now mind you, the longer I’m in this home and see how much dirt gets tracked throughout our home due to where we live, I now understand his reasoning for fighting to keep shoes on our feet.
If we hadn’t discussed these two things, they would have been a thorn in our backs almost daily. I was raised to believe that women were supposed to be the sole caretakers of the home from cooking to cleaning regardless as to whether or not they worked. In reality, that definitely shouldn’t be the case. It works better when both spouses take on tasks throughout the home equally. Let’s not forget that children need chores too. You need to find what works best for your relationship.
That leads me into discussing children! You’d be amazed how differently people view raising kids. You need to have this heated discussion before you have kids. (If you already have kids, then you still need to have these chats if things are not going the way you think they should be.)
Some things to cover concerning children include:
- How many?
- How soon are you wanting to have more?
- Who will be the kid’s primary caretaker?
- Who will handle bedtime routines?
- How do you feel you’ll discipline them?
- What about religion?
- What about relationships with other family members?
Don’t Forget Your Body Changes
Also discuss how you’re going to handle the changes that come from pregnancy on your body. I never dreamed that I would balloon up after having kids like I did, but it happened, and it drastically changed my life. If you’re marrying a man who isn’t prepared to handle and accept your body changes, then you need to think twice.
My husband has told me a thousand times he married me for ME. He doesn’t care if I’m a size 8 like I was when we met or a size 3X like I am now. He loves who I am not what I look like. The older a person gets the more their looks change!
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They claim that having financial issues is something that can truly kill a marriage. From my experience, I can see why that would definitely be the case. When both spouses work, having separate accounts tends to be the ideal setup. If only one spouse is working, having one account is more than sufficient. It’s important that you both discuss completely your viewpoints on how money should be used and spent.
Some key points to cover include:
- Having a set price point for when you should discuss purchases together.
- What bills each of you will be responsible for paying if you both are working.
- Who will be responsible for handling the check book?
- How much money you are going to ensure you have set aside at all times.
- Create a budget for your bills you have now and will have.
- Know each other’s credit scores and debts they have now.
Watch His Behavior
A person will only treat you the way you let them treat you! So, if your partner is doing something that upsets you now, rest assured it will only get worse after you’re married.
In most cases, once the ring goes on a woman’s hand, the true colors of man start to come to life. They begin to feel comfortable enough to be completely themselves. (Women do the same thing! That’s why a yearlong engagement is recommended!)
One thing you’ll notice is that you won’t be the center of their world quite as much. They will feel confident in their place in your life. This isn’t a terrible thing because once you’re married and have kids, he can’t be the center of your world either. However, you do want to ensure he still makes you a priority in his life. The sooner you both make time for each other, and all of the other parts of your lives the better. This way, you can create a routine that works well for you both. You both need to make time for date nights and keep it as a part of your life.
Warning Signs TO NOT IGNORE!
Please be aware if he becomes more controlling of you. That is often the first indicator that he may become an abuser the longer you’re together.
If he tries to isolate you from your friends and family, that is a huge issue. Ensure that your family gets to be as big a part of your life as his. If he’s putting stipulations as to how your family can be a part of your life, then you’re in for a long lonely and miserable life.
Also, if he makes you choose between him or something else that matters greatly to you then you need to truly consider what your life is going to become.
Any time a man harps on how you look or stresses to you that you are to continue to be skinny the rest of your life, then he doesn’t deserve your love. Your looks are bound to change the older you become. If you have kids, that will only increase your chances of having a major body change. Just check out the thread on the Instagram thread for #this_is_postpartum to see the vast arrays that a woman’s body may change after kids. The reality is a woman can’t always gain back her ‘before the baby’ skinny body.
Marriage is meant to be for life. You’re going to have a long list of obstacles in life with this person. You want someone who will help you through everything not be more of a hindrance when the chips are stacked against you. You want a partner and someone who loves unconditionally. If you don’t have that, then you may be marrying the wrong person.
If you do not cover all of these topics from the advice for married women prior to marriage, I assure you that your marriage is going to be rocky for a long period of time. It very well may not survive the trials and tribulations of life. Divorces are the second hardest thing to deal with after death. It’s far better to end a relationship before you say, “I do!”
If you can walk away from this post confident that your man and you are on the same page on this topics and you don’t see any of the warnings mentioned over the course of your yearlong engagement then you stand a high chance of having a strong loving fulfilling marriage.
What other advice for engaged women would you add?