Momma, Don't Wait to Pursue Things You Love

I haven’t been around horses since 1999. I used to be known as the “horse girl” everywhere I went. There wasn’t a horse I was afraid to jump on. I had people come from all around wanting me to ride their horses because, within minutes, I could make a connection. I was confident in my skill set with horses.

After losing Tripp, my mom got me another horse to help me stay connected to the horse world. Theo, a stunning Arabian, was fantastic—but he wasn’t Tripp.

And then I got pregnant with my first daughter. Since my mom put horses above everything else in my life, including me, I didn’t want to risk doing the same thing to my children. So, I completely left the horse world.

Momma, Don't Wait to Pursue Things You Love 1

If I’m honest, that was my first mistake as an adult! I didn’t fully grasp how much being an active horse person grounded me and kept me mentally and emotionally stable until recently.

But as they say… The older you get, the wiser you become.

I’ve watched horse-related movies, read books about them, and even secretly longed to ride more times than I care to admit over the years. But as my youngest daughter got older, she begged to get horseback riding lessons. So, here we are now, back in the horse world.

And the funny thing is… my husband and daughter are stressing that I am happier than I have ever been since I’ve started riding again.

The Danger of Putting Your Dreams on Hold

Over the years, I’ve stressed about how couples need to strive to maintain their connection as they are raising their kids. But I failed to remind moms (myself included) to ensure they made a life that included pursuing their own personal dreams. I’ve had hobbies throughout the years, such as riding my ATV (with the kids either riding with me or on their own ATVs), adult coloring/5D Painting during dead periods with my 9-5 job, reading, and collecting an extensive photo collection of sunsets.

And while all of those things have been great time fillers, they aren’t related to my original dream in life. I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted to help troubled teens. But after learning how little power teachers have in the classroom, I decided that wasn’t a route for me anymore.

So, my other dream was initiated, but my first pregnancy threw a major kink in that dream. But it has yet to leave my mind… I’ve considered opening a rehab center for both horses and troubled teens. Now that I’m back in the horse world and have been reminded once again of the power of horses, that dream is burning within my soul!

If you’re new here, I’ll share again why that second dream matters so much to me. If you’ve read it already, you can skip to the next point.

Momma, Don't Wait to Pursue Things You Love 2

My Survival Story

My childhood was not a bed of roses! My parents were divorced by the time I was two. Both of my parents have been married several times each. My mom married men who used me for sex. Her third husband was a real piece of work. He used me for sex, raped other women in front of me, brought other people into the mix who later stalked me for over five years, and used my mom as a punching bag.

As a result of that kind of life, I was filled with rage and was not exactly an easy person to interact with. If you looked at me the wrong way, you can bet I was ready to beat the tar out of you. I walked around with boots on that had the silver tips on them, ready to slice you if you came near me too close.

Then my mom got an 18 month old colt from an auction. She sent him off for his 30 day training, and he came home scared of his own shadow. He threw my mom off each time she got on him. Meanwhile, while she was at work, I was riding him around the pasture with nothing on him dictacting his every move with my legs and words.

I begged her with every ounce of my being to give me a try with him. At that point she was desperate to see me happy again and filled with less rage. She consented to me doing it, but she stressed that a horse that is in training had to be trained every day regardless of the weather conditions or how I felt.

At that time we kept our horses about .5 mile one way on a dirt road behind where we lived. So, I choose to walk home from school (about a half-hour walk), to ensure I had an extra hour added back into my schedule to be with Tripp. I couldn’t wait till my next bit of time with him.

In the midst of all the training with Tripp, I took my second stepfather to court and watched him walk away scot free from his crimes against me because he was clever enough to involve a teenage boy with a track record a thousand miles long, and due to that track record, his testimony was discredited. That fulled my anger!

It also led to me being stalked by that teenager for over five years, and my dog getting shot only a few feet away from me while I was protected by Tripp and my dog. It was so bad that the cops gave me permission to kill him if he ever came on our property. Needless to say, I had plenty to be upset over.

But through training Tripp, a part of me was healed. He was challenging to fully train outside of the closed in pasture. He was scared of EVERYTHING. It took a long time to get his gates to where they were smooth as silk to ride. By the time I was done, I rode him in parades, carried flags with him, and was able to shoot off of him if I wanted. I did stunt riding with him and Lance, my mom’s horse, just for the fun of it.

But in the midst of me training him, I had to learn to trust again, that Rome isn’t built in a day, and that there is more than one way to see the world around me. I had to get creative in my methods to get him to respond to me. I had to control my own emotions because if I didn’t he became nearly uncontrollable.

While Tripp didn’t heal all of me, he did help me become a better person. I became more sociable. I have been able to work in customer service for years too.

If I had not put my dreams on hold to raise our children, then I do believe I’d already have my equine therapy center! However, I have always put my husband and kids first in my life since I’ve had them. While I don’t regret that part of my life in any way, I do regret that I didn’t continue to pursue my passion.

So, don’t make the mistake I did and put your dreams and passions on the back burner! You were uniquely made before you became a wife and a mother. You have your own passions! Don’t forget who you are being the best wife and mother you can be!