I’ve been watching the series The Secret Life of the American Teenager lately, and it’s reminded me of my teen and early twenties life. It had prompted me to share dating advice I wish someone had given me when I was younger. I learned a lot of things the hard way. I did not get pregnant as a teenager, but that’s only by a miracle!
Don’t Have Meaningless Sex
Due to my sexual abuse history, I did not understand the true meaning that sex has in a relationship. I also feel that even if I hadn’t been abused with the way society likes to shove sex before marriage or even adultery affairs down our throats, it’s a strong possibility I would have still gotten addicted.
However, my sexual past has taught me well that sex between a husband and wife can NOT be beaten! There is something magical and all-consuming about knowing I’m giving my body to the man I love and will be with the rest of my life. I know I can trust him completely. As a result, we can thoroughly experiment and simply explore each other’s bodies.
I know you’re going to argue that you can do that while dating too. That is undoubtedly true, but there’s an entirely different emotional factor to it all. That emotion changes the dynamics behind the sexual experience and makes it well worth the wait. When you have a sexual past, sometimes it complicates marriages in more ways than one. That’s why I recommend that you save yourself for your future spouse.
HOWEVER, with all of that being said, I know chances are extremely high you’re going to ignore that advice. So, here’s more sexual advice for you!
STAY PROTECTED!
You can get condoms quickly and free from school nurses or local health clinics. You can also get shots to help keep you safe from many sexual diseases.
Girls, make sure you’re on birth control of some kind. Keep in mind that birth control takes a good two months to work if you change birth controls at any time entirely. You do have to be extra careful for two months.
BE HONEST!
Be honest with yourself and any sexual partners you may have. It doesn’t benefit anyone if you try to do things sexually that you’re not comfortable with doing. It can lead to resentment and tearing up a relationship. Not to mention, you will most likely beat yourself up for allowing it to happen. If your partner is any gentlemen, he’ll be concerned that he did it to you. So, ALWAYS be OPEN about what you want or don’t want to happen sexually.
DON’T IGNORE RED FLAGS!
People DON’T typically change much. While they may break some habits, chances are high; they aren’t going to lose all of the bad habits that annoy you. I love my husband to death, but his patience is relatively thin!! As a result, sometimes, it’s not easy to deal with. But I knew that about him when I married him, and throughout the years, I’ve learned how to help him get better with this issue. But it will NEVER go away completely. For MANY women, there’s no way in the world they could deal with his lack of patience in life.
IF something concerns you about the person you’re dating, please think long and hard about whether or not you can live with that day in and day out of your life. Negative traits hardly, if ever, go away. If anything, they tend to get worse over time.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Watch how a man treats his mother because that is an accurate indicator of how they will treat you. Be sure to observe how they handle conflict within relationships. Do they become cold and push the person away entirely, or do they take the time to sit down with that person and try to resolve the issues?
How do they respond to hardships happening in your life? Or even better, how do they react to you achieving success?
Are they a go-getter or a person who has an excuse for everything going wrong in their lives? Do they take ownership of how their life is?
Do they fully support your dreams? Do they help you make it happen in some form or fashion? That can look like they are actively being involved with the projects or by them not griping about you spending so much time working to make something happen.
How do your friends and family respond to you being around them? While you’re the one who will ultimately be marrying this person, their opinions do need to hold some weight because you can lose everyone to be with your future spouse. That can lead to a very lonely life. While it may be worth it for the right partner, it definitely won’t be for the wrong one.
Do you share similar goals and life plans? It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone adventurous, and the other person wants to be a homebody. (Not saying it can’t work, but it does mean you’ll end up doing a lot of things alone, and it can lead to emotional issues within the marriage!)
How does he treat money? Does he save his funds and do frugal actions, or does he spend his money even before he gets it? Do you have similar viewpoints about how money should be handled?
Do you have the same outlook on how many children you want and HOW they will be raised?
Don’t Settle!
Don’t settle for less than you deserve or want from a partner! There are plenty of people in this world. Don’t let them get away with treating you poorly.
A genuine relationship involves a lot of giving and taking. And you grow and learn about life together. If you do not feel like you’re in a partnership, then chances are high your relationship doesn’t hold enough value to them.
Believe me when I say if a man wants to give you attention, he’ll make darn sure he gives it to you. You should never feel like you have to chase a man to get his attention. If that video game or his buddies or anything else matters more than you, please let that be a red flag. However, in the same token, don’t expect to be the ONLY thing that matters in his life. If you expect him to make time for you, he should expect the same from you!
Dating is not a one size fits all kind of thing. So, if you seek advice from others, please know that their situation may be utterly different. Be sure to CHOOSE ONE trusted ADULT to get insight from. A pastor or someone who has been married for a long time is a better option.
Don’t get everyone and their brother involved in your relationship struggles. That adds more conflict and confusion. On top of that, you take the chance to care more about pleasing other people than the person you’re dating.
Remember, every relationship is going to experience conflict. As my mom said, if you don’t argue at least some of the time, then you’re not being honest or not talking enough. She’s right! Not everyone is going to agree on everything. We all carry our baggage.
So, please don’t run from the relationship at the first sign of trouble (unless it’s abuse and/or affair.) Most issues can be resolved, but they require honest, hardcore communication and a willingness to compromise.
There is plenty more dating advice I wish someone gave me when I was dating, but these are the primary points that come to mind. The world we live in now has made dating even more challenging because of social media and other factors, but true relationship values don’t go away.
Talk to me in the comments:
What is some dating advice you wish someone gave you?
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Honesty is such an important part of a meaningful relationship.
It truly is one of the most important factors. There are plenty of people that like to test the boundaries of not being fully honest.
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I have so much work to do on myself mentally and emotionally to even consider dating, this post is so helpful, thanks for sharing:)
I understand that feeling. I’m glad that you recognize that you need to take this time to grow yourself. I hope this advice has helped you in some way.
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Great advises!!! One thing I have learned from dating is to first work on yourself and know the things you want in a partner to avoid settling for less.
That’s great advice to add as well.
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Crystal, I’m glad you shared this message. It’s something that needed to be talked about and I’m glad you did.
visiting today from Unlimited Linky #100 #1&2
Thank you for stopping by and agreeing with me.
Thank you for commenting too.
You have a lot of truths in this post. Unfortunately, society has set so many people up for hurt simply because people feel like it’s the norm.
I agree with your theory that our society has caused more hurtful situations than not. I do pray that one day that will not be the case anymore.
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