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Unfortunately, not every birth goes as planned. Some are difficult or extremely painful. Other times, your baby is discovered to have a birth defect. While no one can change the past, it’s possible to work through that experience and to come out the other side positively. The process is often a healing one both mentally and physically.
In this article, we provide some thoughts on how to move beyond a difficult birth over time.
Begin to Accept What Happened
Giving birth is traumatic and a difficult birth even more so. Having gone through birth that was harder than most, it’s perfectly acceptable to acknowledge your feelings about it. Not all of them are going to be positive but they’re certainly valid.
Avoid bottling up your feelings. Find friends or a support group that can listen and share their experiences with you. See that you’re not alone. Try to process the trauma by writing in a journal too. That often is useful to process what you feel about it.
Is There a Reason to Be Compensated?
With some difficult births, they were caused by medical personnel who didn’t do the right things. This is completely different from birth that was just more difficult. For instance, a prolonged loss of oxygen for your baby could have caused abnormalities or brain damage. It depends on what way the birth was difficult as to what the root cause was and if anyone on the hospital staff were negligent because of it.
If you do feel that people were at fault and you (and your baby) didn’t receive the necessary level of medical care, you can address this. The legal team at the medical negligence experts are experienced in medical cases and can asses whether there’s a case to answer or not. If there’s a chance of additional parenting costs due to what happened, then seeking compensation certainly would make sense.
Learn What Actually Happened
See if you can get your medical records. It’s possible to consult with a doctor to have them explain them for you too. This will make it clearer what actually happened during the birth.
Understandably, it’s difficult for you to be fully aware of what transpired but the medical record should provide clarity and closure on the matter. At least you won’t be in the dark any longer.
Forgive Yourself If You Need To
Some women blame themselves for a difficult birth. Often, this is totally unfair to themselves and there’s no reason for it at all.
If this sounds like you, it may be helpful to tell yourself how well you did rather than to talk negatively about what happened. A birth that was harder isn’t the mother’s fault.
Avoid running through endless “What If” scenarios like if you’d done more prenatal classes, would it have made a difference? There are just too many things that are unknowable in these situations. Second-guessing won’t help. Forgive yourself and get help from friends or a therapist if you need to.
Treat yourself right. Allow yourself to heal properly in all respects. You deserve it. And remove any guilt or shame – they don’t apply here.