Communication is one of the most important aspects of life. Before written or verbal language, one can only imagine how difficult it was to reach common understandings. There may have been predators in an area, and multiple humans would innately come together to defend themselves. While it is not certain, verbal communication most likely came into being because of this particular scenario. As human beings have domesticated themselves, words have taken on entirely new and progressive meanings. In a world filled with an endless amount of content, your diction may determine if people gravitate toward your endeavors.
Following the Campaign Trail
You don’t have to be a political person to learn something from watching the campaign trail. One thing politicians HAVE to learn how to do is communicate with all kinds of people.
Think about how many different groups a presidential candidate may speak to during an election. One day they’re talking to business owners. The next they’re talking to parents, college students, factory workers, or an entire stadium full of people. They may be talking about the same basic issue, but how they explain it can change depending on who is sitting in front of them.
President Obama was known for being a strong public speaker. One of the things that made his speeches memorable was his ability to take a much bigger subject and connect it back to ordinary people and their lives. You didn’t necessarily have to agree with everything he was saying to recognize that he knew how to speak to an audience.
And that’s something we can ALL learn from.
I wouldn’t explain something to my husband the same way I would explain it to my teenage daughter. I definitely don’t talk to one of my close friends the same way I would talk to my boss.
I’m still me in every one of those conversations. I’m simply considering WHO I’m talking to.
That’s a big part of becoming a better communicator. Sometimes the problem isn’t what we’re trying to say. It’s how we’re saying it.
Socializing With Friends and Family
You would think communicating with the people closest to us would be the easiest, wouldn’t you? Sometimes I think they’re actually the HARDEST people to communicate with.
When you’ve known someone for years, there’s a lot of history behind your conversations. Your husband may know exactly what a certain look means without you saying a single word. Your kids know when Mom’s tone means she’s asking nicely and when it means, I’m not asking you again. Your closest friend may know you’re upset from a two-word text message.
That kind of familiarity is wonderful, but it can also cause problems. Sometimes we assume the people who love us should automatically know what we need.
“You should KNOW why I’m upset.”
Except… maybe they really don’t.
I’ve learned throughout my marriage that you can’t expect another person to read your mind. Del and I have been together long enough to know each other pretty darn well, but that doesn’t mean we always understand what the other person is thinking.
Sometimes you actually have to SAY it. And sometimes you have to stop talking long enough to hear what the other person is trying to say too.
Family relationships change over time as well. The way I communicated with my children when they were little isn’t necessarily going to work now. Marriage goes through different seasons. People grow. Circumstances change.
Sometimes you have to learn how to communicate with someone you love all over again.
Socializing on Social Media
Social media is a whole different animal. We can type something while sitting on our couch in South Carolina and five minutes later someone on the other side of the world could be reading it.
That’s pretty amazing when you think about it. It’s also probably why we should think a LITTLE more before hitting Post sometimes.
The problem with written communication is that people can’t hear your tone. They can’t see your face. They may not know that you’re extremely sarcastic or that something you said was supposed to be funny.
Your best friend might read your post and immediately know exactly how you meant it. A complete stranger might read the same words and think you’re being rude.
I’ve definitely learned that you can’t control how every single person interprets something you put online. What you CAN control is what you put out there. Before posting something when you’re angry, it doesn’t hurt to ask yourself whether you’ll still want those words attached to your name tomorrow.
And another lesson I’ve learned?
You don’t have to respond to everything. That one can be HARD.
Someone can misunderstand you. Someone can disagree with you. Someone can even be completely wrong about what you said.
You still don’t HAVE to spend the next three hours arguing with them.
Sometimes protecting your peace means closing Facebook and going to read a book.
Speaking in the Workplace
I’ve spent a LOT of years working in customer service, sales, training, and other jobs where communication can make or break the entire situation. One thing I’ve learned is that knowing the answer isn’t always enough.
You have to know how to GIVE someone the answer.
You can tell two people the exact same information in completely different ways and get completely different reactions.
For example:
“You didn’t follow the instructions.”
That may technically be true. But chances are pretty good the other person immediately feels like they need to defend themselves.
Compare that with:
“I think we may have missed something here. Let’s go back through it and see what happened.”
Same problem. Completely different conversation.
That has been especially important working in customer service because sometimes the person you’re talking to is already frustrated before you ever say hello. You can either add to that frustration or try to help bring it down.
The same applies when you’re communicating with coworkers. And now that so much workplace communication happens through email and chat, we have another problem. People can’t hear our tone there either.
That quick “Fine.” you typed because you’re busy could sound like FINE! 😡 to the person reading it.
I’ve learned to reread important messages before I send them, especially when I’m frustrated. Sometimes what sounded perfectly reasonable inside my head does NOT read that way on the screen.
Sometimes You Need to Stop Talking
This is one I’m STILL working on. Not every conversation requires us to have the answer. Sometimes somebody is telling you about their horrible day because they need to get it out. They aren’t asking you to solve their problem.
Yet how many of us immediately jump in with:
“Well, here’s what you should do…”
I’m guilty.
Sometimes the best thing we can say is simply:
“Do you want my help figuring this out, or do you just need me to listen?”
There’s a BIG difference.
Listening is part of communication too, and I think sometimes we forget that.
Actually listen instead of spending the entire time they’re talking preparing your response. Ask questions if you don’t understand what they mean. And before getting angry about something, make sure you actually understood what they were trying to say.
I’ve seen plenty of arguments happen because two people were basically saying the SAME THING differently.
The Way You Say It Matters
At the end of the day, good communication isn’t about using big words or sounding smarter than everyone else.
It’s about making sure the person on the other side actually understands what you’re trying to say.
Sometimes that means changing your words depending on who you’re talking to. Sometimes it means explaining yourself better. Sometimes it means watching your tone.
And sometimes it means shutting up and listening. 😂
You don’t have to change who you are depending on who’s in the room. But learning how to communicate with different people can make a HUGE difference in your marriage, your family, your friendships, your job, and even how you interact with complete strangers online.
What’s one communication lesson you’ve had to learn the HARD way?
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