One of my missions in 2023 was learning to forgive those who have harmed me entirely. I grew up in a very abusive lifestyle. As such, I have been emotionally scarred for life over it. Those instances have drastically impacted my relationship with my family. The person impacted the most has been my husband, and to this day, he has to pay for the crimes of others. I started praying for help on this matter.
God has not disappointed in handing me the tools I needed to learn to forgive! The first tool he provided was the book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst.
He has stressed to his believers that we need to forgive others as we want to be forgiven. This has been mentioned so many times in the Bible that I knew I needed to work on this matter.
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About Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
*#1 New York Times Bestseller*
You deserve to stop suffering because of what other people have done to you.
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can’t go on like this, but you don’t know what to do next. Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.
With deep empathy, therapeutic insight, and rich Bible teaching coming out of more than 1,000 hours of theological study, Lysa will help you:
- Learn how to move on when the other person refuses to change and never says they’re sorry.
- Walk through a step-by-step process to free yourself from the hurt of your past and feel less offended today.
- Discover what the Bible really says about forgiveness and the peace that comes from living it out right now.
- Identify what’s stealing trust and vulnerability from your relationships so you can believe there is still good ahead.
- Disempower the triggers hijacking your emotions by embracing the two necessary parts of forgiveness.
Look for additional biblically-based resources and devotionals from Lysa:
- Good Boundaries and Goodbyes
- Uninvited
- It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way
- You’re Going to Make It
- Embraced
My Review of Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget is a book that will inspire you to dig in deep and think and FEEL all the things you need to go through to reach the point of forgiveness. I had not realized there were so many steps to forgiveness. I felt that this book helped me learn to forgive.
The author of this book shared her story of forgiveness with me. And she gave the questions she answered to help her reach the state of complete forgiveness. I answered many of these questions myself and found them to be enlightening.
Forgiveness often feels impossible to achieve for numerous reasons. For most of my life, I was still filled with noncontrolling rage when I thought of my abusers and the things they put me and my loved ones through. I knew that it wasn’t helpful to me to stay on this beaten path.
I’ve learned the benefits of forgiveness. It has given me a sense of peace that I hadn’t had before the abuse happened.
The other day, I was tested on the power of forgiveness. I thought we sat beside my ex-stepfather in a restaurant the other day. This man resembled him so much, and he gave off creepy vibes like him… I didn’t jump the gun because I wasn’t 110% sure it was him. But it made me honestly think about what I would say/do if he were in that situation.
Because the truth of the matter is, it’s easy to say we’ve forgiven someone until we are placed in front of them. I wasn’t sure I was entirely successful in learning to forgive. But to say that I didn’t feel immediate anger and the desire to kill was quite a shock to me.
I believe this book helped me to reach the level of forgiveness that I could interact safely with my abuser if I had to do it. I feel more complex emotions towards him than just anger now. I feel compassion and a bit of understanding that we are all human.
I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in my life. Granted, I did not do anything as drastic as he has done, but I’m confident I have left lasting emotional scars on others due to my pain and mental and emotional issues. I can only hope that those whom I’ve harmed will have the ability to learn to forgive me, too.
While reading this book, I had to take a break and watch TV. Well, on Starz is a movie called What Remains. It is a movie showcasing a pastor having his faith put to the test by showcasing forgiveness for the man who killed his wife. It was a really good movie!
This movie showcased ways to practice forgiveness even when it is hard. We don’t fully grasp the harshness of that situation till we are asked to live it.
In conclusion
In conclusion, learning to forgive is one of the most valuable lessons we can learn. It may not do anything for the person we are forgiving, but it does a great deal for our own well-being.
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