Delbert and I went on our mother-son date the other day. We went and saw the movie, Doctor Strange. It was one of those movies that stick with you in ways you don't expect. One of the parts of the movie was the quote, “Death gives life meaning.” I haven't been able to shake that quote out of my head since hearing it. I guess it struck a cord within my soul because my life didn't take on any serious meaning until my accident in 2006. Then it got even more meaningful after watching my mother die of cancer.
I have read the book The Hardest Peace: Expecting Grace in the Midst of Life's Hard about Kara Tippets journey with cancer. It was an inspirational read. She took on cancer much the same way as my own mother did. My mother didn't wallow in the “why me” phase. She took it as God's plan for her life and she decided to make the most of the time she had left. Kara did the same thing.
It saddens me that it takes ‘death knocking on one's door' for them to see what life is truly about. I was just as guilty until I literally felt like I had an out of body experience during my last car accident. I literally was at major cross roads in my life. It was quite spooky how in the moment of the car accident I was 100% sure of what I wanted, but yet, I still wasn't ready to grab ahold of it until it was almost too late.
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I feel like I've been hit with so many signs this week that I'm not following the meaning of my own life. Ruth from Elite Blog Academy shared in her newsletter ‘Do It Scared.' It was a motivational email to read. I feel like I've let fear gain the better of me since I started this blog. I don't want to make the same mistakes as I made on this blog as I did on my last one.
I don't want to live with regrets! I don't want to regret the time I've used. I want to make every moment that I have a count to the fullest. I've been fighting off the feelings of guilt about how much time I know I need to invest in the blog to make it grow. Yet I know if I don't take that time I'll never reach its full potential. I believe all mothers who work and don't spend all of their time focusing on their kids can relate to that guilty feeling.
I also know that we have NO reason to feel that way. Mothers are just as entitled as anyone else to be successful business owners/operators or any other form of success that matters to us. We shouldn't feel guilty for taking time out to pursue our own dreams.
Now mind you, I won't do it at the expense of ensuring that my kids aren't taken care of. I do also make sure I have dedicated time for each of my kids as well as my husband. It's a matter of properly planning out one's day. It also means being flexible to change your plans as needed.
I don't want to wait until death is staring me in the face to following my life's meaning. I feel confident that I should be homeschooling my kids. I also feel that blogging holds quite a bit of meaning in my life too. I don't know exactly who I'm helping, if anyone, but I do hope and pray that I am.
What do you feel is your life's meaning? Are you pursuing it?
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