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Parenting kids isn’t always an easy thing to do. There are times when you wish it was something that you could completely just quit doing and then there are other times when you’re proud to be your kids parents! I’m no parenting expert by any stretch of the imagination. However, there are a few things that I do strive to ensure my kids receive from me.
I’m a harper! I feel like I live all day long harping at my kids to ensure they get things done in a timely manner and done RIGHT. I also have them check their actions and words constantly. Please note: this actually isn’t a strong quality as a parent. I’m learning that honestly I’m hindering them from being able to catch their own mistakes. I’m slowly moving away from being a harper to asking them more questions for them to learn how to check themselves on their own.
However, at the end of the day, even if they fall short on any given day they know they are well loved for who they are.
Jimmy has reached the wonderful teen stage and along with it has come the TYPICAL rite of passage of any normal teen. He can be calm and happy one minute and the very next ready to explode and full of anger. After many HARD core arguments where we have BOTH FREELY expressed ourselves, I’ve learned that it’s far better to ask him questions about his moods than it is to just focus on him giving me an attitude. (That has been a HUGE turning point for us.)
Despite our differences, we know that at the end of the day that we love each other. We know that we are a family and we will remain that way. However, there are times we have to give and take in order for us both to be happy. I feel we have done nothing but grow closer as a result of being able to openly communicate with each other our feelings and thoughts. Now he is quick to pull me aside and tell me what he’s struggling with, and it warms my heart to a great extent!
Selfishness Goes Out the Window
Growing up, I dealt with a self-centered mother who only cared about how things made HER feel or how SHE could benefit from something being done. She hardly EVER asked me how something made me feel and truly listened. She loved me, but only to a point.
When I gained complete love from my husband, I couldn’t accept it because I didn’t feel like I deserved that kind of love. It blew my mind how he could love so selflessly. To this day, he still amazes me with way he gives that kind of love. There are times when he’s selfish, but it’s NOT very often at all.
I grew up with my Dad living over 700 miles away from me. It impacted me quite a bit. It was hard having my Dad living so far away because a Dad’s role is quite important to a young girl growing up. I had many step-fathers, but none of them could replace my Dad.
As a result, I felt like a misfit in each home I had growing up. Since my mom was the primary parent in my life, she had to take the blunt of my mixed up emotions. She was NEVER willing to put herself in my shoes. In turn, she caused a rift between us that could never be fully closed.
Teach Them Independence
I strive to give my kids the tools they need to be independent in life. I never want them to have to rely on anyone else to help them make it in our world. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum of being 110% independent and thriving and I’ve also been in the position of having to rely on others generosity just to survive. I personally can’t stand NOT being independent. I value knowing that I earned everything I’ve wanted and needed in life.
I want my kids to have that same sense of pride and independence. I also want them to be able to achieve whatever it is they want to do in life. If they want to have the big fancy homes and high-class jobs, then I am doing everything in my power to help them to make that a reality with the things we do now. If they just want to find a job that just provides them with the things they need and plenty of time off for friends and family then, I’m more than willing to support that too. The point is I’m going to support them and help them gain the knowledge and life skills needed to pursue whatever route in life they want to follow.
Don’t get me wrong, I am going to do my best to persuade them to follow the path of higher education and secure paying jobs, but in the same token, I also know that a person doesn’t NEED college or high paying jobs to have a life that will make them feel complete and successful.
My own personal life experiences have taught me the value of savoring every moment in life to the fullest. The greatest gift that I can provide my kids is complete love. I also feel that my providing them with a quality education and life skills is worth everything else that I give up to ensure they gain it.
What are the three ways to make the most out of your parenting journey that you focus on?